011509: Because Facebook publicizes my every move.

And Xanga is exposed to those who subscribe.

Here's me finally being selfish--just what everyone wanted from me.

My best qualities are also my worst. I'm not jealous and I'm understanding. Despite the fact that everyone claims those are the two characteristics they find most attractive in a person, they fail to radiate the same characteristics. They also tend to fail to appreciate the two when actually given to them. This world is beyond fucked up and I know it best.

I'm understanding, I really am. Don't believe it? Try me.
I'm really not jealous, really I'm not. Don't believe it? Try me.
Wanna know the key? Truth.

I think the truth is probably one of the most beautiful things in this world, and that is why the world can be so ugly sometimes. We hide the beauty of truth and trust and communication with lies, deception and facades. Why? I have yet to understand the reasoning behind this, despite how understanding I am. I just don't see justification in doing someone wrong and dirty. And yet I can find it in myself to forgive.

Want more of me being selfish? I deserve THE fucking best this world has to offer. And let's face it, you don't cut it. I do not deserve to be treated like this, and I WILL NOT be treated like this.

Here's the thing though: I used to give infinite chances. I have, actually, been learning from my mistakes though. Which means, less and less mistakes happening. I forgive, but baby, if you expect me to fix it all by myself, you're in denial. Cause baby, when you fuck up, you fuck up. I don't know who you are thinking I should be the one apologizing and crawling back. Should that not be you on your hands and knees?

I don't get why I let myself develop affinities towards people who don't treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And then I have people on their hands and knees, trying to please me and win me. But what do I do? I leave them in the dust and pay no regard to them. I'm just not interested. I can blame myself for that.

People always try to limit the key to a relationship/friendship to one thing. I noticed that that one thing often varies between trust, communication and various other terms. I guess I cannot limit myself to one term because I believe they all stem from one another. What's communication if it's not the truth? It becomes communication without trust. Then communication is therefore flawed without truth and trust. If communication is the key, and communication is flawed, then is not the key to the relationship/friendship flawed? We all need to grow up. We ALL need to grow up. Stop masking truth. Speak up, even if it hurts. But I just don't understand how people can think that the pain from discovering a lie is so much less than the pain of just knowing the truth from the start. Accept pain as a part of life, because until then, you are no where near ready for death. And unfortunately for you, the only thing in life you HAVE to do, is die.

So tell them what you think, and make the world a little more beautiful.
I know this sounds completely negative, but it's meant to be completely positive.
So if you think this is emo shit, then grow up and get out.

I am absolutely in love with my life, if I wasn't back then, I am now. And I always will be. I don't need to pretend like there isn't evil in the world to make myself think I'm happy. I don't need to find pride in putting others down. I find joy in making others smile, laugh and being true to my word.




My most prominent and prevalent attribute: I keep my promises.
This can be validated by everyone I have come in contact with.
This is what makes me the intrepid, petite person I am. This is what makes me the person you fell for, and the person you lost.